Mission Improbable
by Moon Prynces
Summary: Dx4 Quatre is sent on a quest with many missions any ordinary man would have refused. All so he can prove himself worthy for Dorothy Catalonia. Hilarious chaos when the boys try to help Quatre in the most insane tasks.
1. Test 1

A bit AU-ish and characters will be quite OOC

Summary-Quatre is sent on a quest with many missions any ordinary man would have refused. All so he can prove himself worthy for Dorothy Catalonia. Mostly hilarious chaos when the boys try to help Quatre.

Disclaimer-I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters. The rest of the disclaimer will be at the bottom.

**xoxo**

**Title-Mission Improbable**

**Test 1**

**By-Moon Prynces**

**xoxo**

Dorothy cackled like a madman as Relena watched her with a weird expression.

"Is this really necessary?" Relena asked the other blonde warily.

Dorothy stopped laughing and looked up at her friend. "What? This was your idea!" She accused.

"Hey, I never said to put him through all this torture." Relena argued.

"But just think of how funny it will be! Wouldn't you just love if you could get Heero to do something like this?" The blonde with longer hair smirked.

The other girl grinned. "That would take a miracle. You know, you're right, this will be interesting. We should record this!"

They both jumped up from their seats on the sofa and yelled simultaneously, "Off to find a video camera!" And they quickly left the house in search of an electronics store.

**xoxo**

"I can't believe you Q-man! I would never have fallen into a trap like that!" Duo commented, laughing as his friend sat down in a chair and let his head bang on the table. "I thought you were smarter than that, with running all those business' and all."

Trowa, standing off to the side and leaning against the counter with his arms folded opened his mouth, to finally add to the conversation. "Duo, that's not very encouraging."

Wufei, who was also sitting down at the table eating an ice pop, cherry-flavored, looked at the blonde. "That was a weak move. Why would such a man let a woman draw out the rules to a game he would surely lose?" Then he went back to sucking his popsicle.

Quatre finally picked his head off the table. "I thought it was only a joke. I told her that we should stop playing games and to join me for an evening for dinner. And she said something about me not being worthy and next thing I know, she's caught me in some kind of agreement where I have to pass a bunch of tests." His face became frustrated. "Why are women so- so-"

"Infuriating? Weak?" Wufei guessed.

"Manipulative?" Was Trowa's voice.

"Abusive?" Came Duo's answer.

They all turned to stare at him. Wufei in digust yelling, "Don't tell me you already lost to your woman!"

Trowa in mild amusement.

And Quatre in wonderment. "How-?"

Duo backed up. "Hey, all I did was ask if she ate all the chocolate and she went psycho on me!" He said, referring to Hilde. "I still have the bruises to prove it!" He made to pull down his pants but everyone looked away quickly.

"That's quite alright Duo." Quatre said nervously.

"We really don't need a visual." Said the usually silent acrobat.

Wufei was too busy going through the fridge... until he came out empty-handed. "HEY! Who ate all my popsicles!" He shouted furiously.

A few footsteps were heard and soon Heero appeared at the doorway to the kitchen. "What's going on?" He asked in his predictably monotone voice.

"YOU!" Wufei yelled and tried to lunge for the other gundam pilot. Obviously he wasn't thinking straight, too deluded in his love of cherry-flavored popsicles.

Trowa and Duo grabbed him before he reached Heero and each one held an arm as Wufei tried to desperately escape. They both glanced at each other, nodded and then let go as the third fell face-first onto the hard kitchen tile.

Heero still stood at the entrance, and raised an eyebrow at them. Then he walked in and took a seat at the table where Quatre was sulking.

"What were you talking about in here? Something about women?" He asked, trying to keep his tone nuetral.

Before he could answer, the phone started to ring incessantly. Quatre got up to answer it, since it was his humble abode.

"Hello?"

"Why hello, _darling_!" Came Dorothy's exaggerated voice.

**xoxo**

Relena held the phone tightly as she tried not to burst out laughing. Hearing Dorothy say such a thing was just so unbelievable. Dorothy continued with the conversation, making eye contact with Relena, each holding a phone.

They heard someone ask something and Quatre answered with a 'you know who' in a serious tone, although it was muffled as he tried to not let them hear it on the other line. Then another sound as if a brawl had started.

**xoxo**

The American gundam pilot shouted, "Calm down Wufei! She's not evil like Pokémon!"

"Pokémon?" And a few sounds of confused gundam pilots.

Duo sweatdropped as they eyed him cautiously.

**xoxo**

Quatre suddenly came back on the line with a nervous voice. "Hello?"

Dorothy smiled evilly. "I need you to work on a project for me. I kind of have my hands full at the moment."

"Er... sure, anything." He said unsurely.

"I need you to make something for me..."

**xoxo**

Duo rubbed the bump on his head. After Quatre hung up the phone with a disbelieving look the others pounced on him with questions like 'Are you mad? Pokémon? Are you trying to make us look like five-year olds!'

Now the five gundam pilots were wandering the aisles of Walmart looking for the supplies necessary for Dorothy's project.

"This is ridiculous! How did I get dragged into this?" Wufei grumbling, folding his arms.

"Stop complaining. We can't just let Quatre go on this mission on his own." Duo replied.

"Mission?" They watched as Heero's eyes lit up at the word. Then they sweatdropped. What a workaholic...

Quatre tried to ignore the less than helpful remarks his friends were making. He searched the store, being the lead, and finally came to the aisle he was looking for. Luckily, he had yet to tell them Dorothy's request... except when they realized what was around them everyone freaked...

"AHH! The bright colors sting my eyes!" Wufei shouted and closed his eyes, putting his hands in front of him to try and block the rays of... colors that weren't actually shooting at him, but just sitting there undisturbed.

Duo screamed like a girl and passed out, being used to only wearing his usually dark attire this sight was something new to him. And well... he just couldn't handle it.

Trowa and Heero went wide-eyed, which is something we all thought was impossible. They stared up at the shelves and had to grab onto each other for support.

Quatre glanced at them all and sighed. "It's only Crayola..." He muttered under his breath. "Would you all snap out of it and help me carry some stuff!" He said trying to gain their attention. Too bad it didn't work.

So he proceeded to grab a bunch of stuff, a box of 120 crayons, a box of every pack of 8 markers he could find, a box of 50 colored pencils and... by now he could barely hold anything. Suddenly someone pushed a shopping cart next to him and he looked up to see Trowa had recovered from his temporary insanity. Then he dropped everything inside and went on with grabbing more items and putting them in the cart.

**xoxo**

When they made it to the cashier, she gave them an odd look before scanning all the items they had dumped on the conveyor belt. Certainly the sight of five young men, one being dragged (Duo) and another being restrained (Wufei) buying a bunch of art supplies intended for children ten and under was a strange thing. She didn't question them but half way through her arm started to hurt.

**xoxo**

"Hey! I was gonna use that!" Duo argued.

"Too bad!" Wufei stuck out his tongue. "First come, first serve."

Duo glared at him from his spot on the floor. He sat with his legs spread open and a piece of paper on the floor inbetween them with numerous utensils surrounding him.

Heero briefly looked up at the bickering two, narrowed his eyes and then turned back to his work. He was lying on the floor on his stomach trying to find the right color to use in his creation, his legs waving around in the air.

Wufei and Trowa sat on opposite ends of a table, both working furiously on something.

Quatre looked up at the sight of him and his friends, then sweatdropped wondering how this happened. They had all suddenly devolved into little kids. Duo had silver glitter sparkling in his hair from when Heero and Trowa were fighting over it and had been caught in the crossfire. Wufei had just smudged some red paint on his face. Trowa looked too giddy to be normal and a few markers rolled off the table to land on the floor. Then Heero started laughing maniacally as he proclaimed he had made a fortune teller.

The others perked up at this and crowded around him to see if this fortune teller would work. Even Quatre moved closer.

"How'd you make that?" The blonde asked curiously.

"Can't tell you, old family recipe." Heero said with a glint in his eye.

Trowa made a face. "But that's not food."

"Whatever, tell me my fortune first!" Duo yelled, raising his hand in the air, which knocked out Wufei in the process. "Oops..."

"Pick one." Heero instructed, ignoring what had just happened, holding out the fortune teller for him to see the choices.

"Er... hey! How come Deathscythe's not on there!" He cried out.

Heero scratched his head. "Cuz I couldn't fit it!"

"Then you could have taken out Wing Zero or Tall Geese or Epyon or Heavy Arms!" He argued. Trowa nodded approvingly.

"Are you gonna pick one or not?" Heero asked annoyed.

"Fine... Epyon." He mumbled.

"E- P- Y- O- N." And then he stopped so the inside showed the numbers 1, 2, 5 and 6. "Pick a number."

Duo was once again fascinated. "Six!"

"One- Two- Three- Four- Five- Six." Seeing that he was at the same place again Duo's expression dropped slightly. "Another one."

"Two!" He said with hope.

Instead of counting, Heero opened a flap and read the words under the number two. "Violence solves everything." A thoughtful silence. "I don't remember writing that."

**xoxo**

At long last, Quatre stood outside of the house where Dorothy was staying, Relena's house. The other gundam pilots tried to make sounds of encouragement from the bushes they were hiding in, but it sounded more like a dying wild animal.

The blonde stood there for five minutes before Trowa whispered from the bushes.

"Ring the doorbell!"

"Oh!" And so he did.

The door opened to reveal Relena in a bathrobe. "Hello Quatre!" She greeted him warmly, making someone in the bushes growl like a dog. This startled Relena who bade Quatre to come inside. As the door closed Duo burst out laughing.

"Now how're we gonna see if he's failed or not?" Wufei complained.

"The window's right here." Trowa said easily as fours faces peered into the living room where Quatre sat waiting for Dorothy to enter. Relena had left to finish something she vaguely described.

**xoxo**

Dorothy entered the room with a smile. "Hello Quatre, it's so good to see you." She said calmly, taking a seat opposite of him. "What brings you here?"

Quatre fidgeted nervously and then put a bag on top of the table. "I finished..." He didn't know how to continue the statement.

Dorothy looked amused. "What is it that you've brought? Is it something for me?"

"Of course! You know what it is!" Quatre suddenly burst out, turning red at the stupidity of this situation.

"My project? You're done already? I wasn't expecting you to do it in one day." She commented. "Can I see?" She motioned for him to take it out of the bag.

His hands shaking, Quatre slowly removed the item. Dorothy gasped in pleasant surprise.

"It's so pretty!" She said getting up and examining it. Then she looked at Quatre who was staring out the window.

**xoxo**

"OW!"

"It's your fault he got suspicious!" Heero accused.

Duo glared back.

The four boys peeked back up at the window, luckily though Quatre wasn't looking their way anymore. They sighed in relief.

**xoxo**

Dorothy smiled and jumped on Quatre, who was still sitting on the couch in surprise at her actions. She threw her arms around his neck in a hug, although she was practically sitting on his lap.

"I just love it!" She exclaimed. Then leaned in to whisper in his ear. "But don't think this is the last test, _dearest Quatre_."

**xoxo**

"Oh yea! Q-man! Look's like someone's getting some action!" Duo cheered through the window, but the two inside didn't hear.

The other three pilots glared at him. Duo once again sweatdropped.

"What?"

"What are you talking about? What did you mean by that?" Trowa asked carefully.

"I meant... You know... He's gonna get some..." Duo said, trying to stay vague.

Heero cleared his throat. "Quatre wouldn't do that. We're all only seventeen, why would we need to do that?"

Duo gave a confused look. "I've already done that."

The other three stared at him, fascinated. "Are you lying?" Wufei asked with a wary look.

"Uh... no. Hilde and I-"

"We don't need all the details." Trowa said cutting him off.

"I can't believe this!" They looked to Heero who was waving his fists around crazily. "There's something he's already advanced at before me!"

The others sweatdropped.

"Dude, it's not a contest." Duo said, trying to put a hand on his shoulder. Heero made a move to bite him. Duo jumped back and fell out of the bushes, just as Quatre came out of the house. Dorothy didn't see though.

**xoxo**

"I'll be contacting you for your next assignment real soon." Dorothy said, waving cheerfully, the night air blowing her long hair around her.

Quatre waved and quickly said goodbye so she would leave and not notice the other pilots.

**xoxo**

Inside the house Relena and Dorothy were sitting in the kitchen giggling at the gundam pilots who were acting like high school freshmen. Dorothy held up her present from Quatre and placed it on her head. Relena burst out laughing.

"I can't believe it. He actually made you a crown! With the bright colors and glitter and everything! Look at all that fine detailing." She said between her laughter.

"I'm just so glad we have all this on tape. We can watch it over and over and over again!" Dorothy said, gasping for air.

"I didn't think Duo would actually pass out at the sight of all those crayola colors!"

"So what should mission number two be?" Dorothy looked up throughtfully, after recovering herself.

"I've got a great idea for it..." Relena smiled evilly, as Dorothy joined her.

**xoxo**

Uh... wow. I actually can't believe how this thing turned out. I didn't think it would turn out this hilariously stupid. Haha. It makes me smile with mirth. Anyway, I wanted to include all her tests and make this thing a one-shot but somehow I'm roped into making another fanfic. Thank god I got all the ideas on paper. I'll start the next one after I post this one. Just wanna get it outta the way.

Disclaimer-I do not own Pokémon, Walmart or Crayola.

8-10-05


	2. Test 2

**xoxo**

**Title-Mission Improbable**

**Test 2**

**By-Moon Prynces**

**xoxo**

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Dorothy asked unsurely.

"Oh look at that, he's rubbing off on you." Relena said grinning. Dorothy gasped and then glared. "It's perfectly fine. And if they manage to set the house on fire then I'm sure the neighbors will notice."

"But Quatre doesn't have neighbors. He lives in a rural area." She glared.

"Oh well... I guess we better watch them closely."

**xoxo**

The next day the five gundam pilots were sitting around the table in the kitchen of the same house, Quatre's little get-away-from-the-business-world-house. They were all happily munching on their choice of breakfast, completely ignoring everything that happened yesterday.

For now Quatre was having a good time hanging out with his friends. Or well... eating, which is the biggest thing they have in common.

Of course, somehow something had to go wrong. It started when Trowa tried to get the last pancake by slamming his fork into it. But Heero wanted it too so he also did the same thing.

Both boys looked up and glared at each other, sparks connected in the air. The other three looked up briefly and then went back to what they were doing. Duo was shoveling eggs into his mouth. Wufei was playing with a Nataku and Mercurius action figure. Quatre was trying to conceal a comic book by holding up a newspaper over the cover.

Trowa tried to pull the pancake in his direction. Heero fought back by taking a breadknife and smacking at Trowa's fork forcefully. Trowa's grip on the fork loosened until it had been smacked away and landed on the floor with a loud clank.

By the time Trowa had looked back at Heero the pancake was no where in sight... that's because Heero hid it under the table. Trowa angrily got up and left the table.

Then, the doorbell ringing brought everyone out of their chosen activities. Quatre got up to answer it. But everyone else followed him anyway, out of curiosity, except Trowa who was probably in his room sulking that he lost the last pancake to Heero.

The mailman stood there in his extremely horrid-looking shorts. This caused some of the pilots to convert their laughter into fits of coughing. Actually it was everyone except Quatre (and Trowa who was still upstairs).

"Uh... sorry about this." Quatre said with a sweatdrop. "They're kind of..."

"It's ok. I get it all the time." The mailman muttered. "I have a message for a Quatre Raberba Winner."

"That's me."

"Okay." Then he pulled a paper out of a pocket and handed it to Quatre, before glaring at the other three youths and then leaving.

Quatre closed the door and walked into the living room. He knew exactly what this was. And he was actually afraid to find out what was going to happen next.

But to take away that pain from him, Duo snatched the paper away and opened it to find instructions. He looked back up at the blonde who was staring at him.

"Quatre? Since when did you cook?" The boy asked as Wufei and Heero peered at the paper to get a better look.

Quatre quickly grabbed the paper and scanned it to see that it was a recipe for making something. He groaned and fell back on the couch.

Decidedly, this is when Trowa re-entered their presence.

"Hey, why don't I tell you your fortune?" Trowa asked smirking.

"You didn't." Heero said in a deadly calm sort of way. Wufei stepped off to the side. Duo jumped over the couch to land on the other side.

"Maybe I did." Trowa's smirk remained.

"Oh no... you didn't." Heero said again, walking towards the other pilot.

Wufei and Quatre joined Duo behind the sofa, peeking over the top to watch the action.

Trowa pulled the piece of paper out from his pocket. Except it was now covered in random doodles... and this is when Heero started to get angry.

"How could you?" He yelled in horror.

**xoxo**

After Heero had started to bite Trowa's ear Quatre, Duo and Wufei jumped up to help Trowa get him off. Heero was particularly agressive when he found out all the phrases that had been written were scribbled out and replaced with the words 'Heero loves Relena!'.

In the end they had to forcefully tie him down to the coffee table, because he had broken the chair they tried to use. And they only got that far because Duo had distracted the japanese boy, saying that they needed Trowa to help them cook.

Heero grunted and kicked his legs up in the air, but it was useless. The other four pilots sighed in relief, a good distance away from him. Wufei smacked Trowa over the head, because he was about to smirk thinking he won.

"So what exactly did you mean by cooking?" Trowa asked slowly, rubbing his head where he had been hit, inching away from Wufei.

Quatre sighed. "It's my next assignment from Dorothy."

"I still don't get why you're going along with this Q-man. It's just Dorothy. There are plenty of other fish in the sea to pick from."

"I thought Quatre wanted to go out with a girl not a fish..." Wufei stated.

The others, minus Heero, stared at him before ignoring it and walking off to the kitchen.

"What does it say? Are you sure it's from her?" Trowa questioned again.

"Who else would send me a note with a recipe on it? Don't say anything Duo." Quatre said turning to his friend who had his mouth open, about to speak. He closed it and huffed.

"So then... where do we begin?" Trowa asked, yet again.

"The supplies and ingredients I guess." Was the answer.

So they started searching through the cabinets and drawers and basically anywhere in the kitchen until all the necessary tools were assembled on the counter in front of them. Wufei entered the kitchen brooding over something.

"What happened to you? You look as bad I did the time Hilde and I snuck into a closet at the last party Relena held and-"

"DUO!" The other three yelled at him to cut off his rambles. Neither of them wanted a mental picture of what him and Hilde had been doing, although it was too late and they all had an idea of what... nevermind.

Wufei mumbled something that none of them heard, so they all glanced at each other confusedly.

"What was that?" Quatre asked again.

"Heero was mocking me!" He yelled. "He tried to convince me to let him out of the bindings and when I replied in the negative he kept saying how there's no way I'll ever have sex with Sally and he'd be the next one of us to do it and-"

"God, what is wrong with you people and thinking about that?" Duo asked incredulously.

"You were the one who started it." Trowa replied with a glare.

Quatre looked on confused. "What are you all talking about?"

"Nothing!" Trowa tried to steer the conversation back to the task at hand. "So what do we do first?"

**xoxo**

An hour later the gundam pilots were standing in the exact same spots, with no idea what to do.

"I think you're supposed to, uh-"

"I know what I'm supposed to do, Duo!" Quatre said, and was glaring at the object in front of him.

"Why are you doing this again? It's not Thanksgiving you know." Duo commented again.

"It's just a bird." Wufei grumbled.

"Then why don't you do it?" Quatre yelled, near hysterical.

Wufei blanched at the idea. "Because." He started to answer defensively. "It's not my job. She told you to do it."

"So? She never said he couldn't get any help." Trowa offered.

"But it's like... Who would..." Wufei was at a loss for words.

"I'll do it!" Duo volunteered suddenly, with his hand in the air. They looked at him, disgusted. "What?"

"Somehow, everything you say references back to-"

Trowa was cut off as a sound was heard from the other room. They were about to move to investigate, quick to avoid the current situation, when a shadow appeared in the doorway. Duo quickly jumped behind a counter. Trowa picked up a knife, while Wufei grabbed a frying pan and Quatre inched towards the back door.

"Thought you could leave me there, did you?" A deep, ominous voice cackled. "Thought I would stay still, and lay there, giving up?" He said again. Blue eyes glinted maniacally.

Duo peeked over the counter. "Heero, buddy, it was for your own good. Really, and I didn't have anything to do with it! They did!" He pointed to the others who all shot him dark looks.

Not being in his right mind, Heero jumped through the doorway, intent on causing someone bodily harm. Being gundam pilots, the reflexes excercised were nothing short of excellent. In other words they managed to avoid the punch he tried to aim at them.

So instead of there being a content gundam pilot and one with a black eye, there was one scared pilot, one looking murderous, another looking regretful, two looking apprehensive... and a puntured bag of flour that made the kitchen look like a blizzard had struck.

They all looked at the floor where the bag lay, as if saying, 'look what you did now! I didn't want to cause any trouble.'

Heero glared at the offending particles of white that had made its way to his throat and nose. Luckily (not for the other four though) he had gotten over a coughing/sneezing fit already. Then his gaze made its way to the counter where the unresolved problem still lay.

**xoxo**

"What's going on? Let me see!" The blonde argued, trying to push her friend out of the way.

The other girl, also a blonde did move out of the way, but only because she had doubled over on the floor laughing.

**xoxo**

Everyone in the room froze. Heero raised an eyebrow in question. The others looked at the item as well.

"Well, you see..." Quatre tried to explain.

"...we couldn't just... you know!" Duo continued.

Ten minutes later all five boys were sitting around the kitchen on the floor.

"So if neither of us can do it, then what do we do?" Duo looked around at the others.

"I'm trying to think." Quatre responded with a thoughtful look.

Trowa tried to offer advice. "We could just go out and buy something, couldn't we?"

The blonde shook his head. "No, it says it has to be made by me."

"How would she know whether you actually made it or not?" Wufei questioned, folding his arms.

"I don't know. But if she finds out that I did that and lied, I really don't want think about what she'd do." Quatre and Duo both shuddered at the thought.

In the last corner Heero muttered "Mission Failed." and then there was silence.

**xoxo**

By now, Relena and Dorothy were rolling on the floor with tears pouring out of their eyes. The latter sat up and decided they should quiet down, as she was now expecting a phone call.

And soon the phone did ring. Dorothy got off the floor and tried to smooth over her voice.

"Hello? This is Dorothy speaking." She said, answering the phone.

"Uh..."

**xoxo**

Duo nudged his friend, trying to get him to continue. The other three pilots were in the living room, listening to the phone call. Duo and Quatre were only a few feet away in the hallway.

**xoxo**

"OW! Duo, stop it! That hurt!" Was slightly muffled, as the blonde tried to block the sounds from anyone hearing. Dorothy grinned as Relena moved closer to listen in.

"Quatre? Is that you?" Was Dorothy's pretend voice, seeing as how she wanted to return to laughing. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, uh, nothing! I was just calling to say... about the assignment you sent me..."

"So then, have you finished it already? You made an entire turkey dinner for me already? Should I come over then?" She asked, knowing full well that wasn't the case.

**xoxo**

"Actually, I kind of..." He started to turn pink. "It couldn't be done." He finished shortly.

"Are you sure? Did you try to follow the instructions? What was the problem?" Came her concerned voice.

"Uh... I... Well, I couldn't just..."

Duo, who was next to him hit Quatre again so that he'd stop stuttering and get the point across.

"I couldn't just stick my hand up it's- it's YOU KNOW!" He yelled suddenly, which grabbed everyone's attention in the next room as well as Relena and Dorothy who were listening on the other end of the line. "None of us could!"

**xoxo**

And suddenly the line went dead. Dorothy and Relena looked at the phone, then each other... before they once again burst out laughing.

**xoxo**

Wufei growled. "Why did you bring us into this?"

Heero cracked his knuckles. "I do not need Relena to think a fool of me." He replied lowly.

"As if you weren't one before." Duo mumbled from his place on the floor, since Trowa, Heero and Wufei had trampled him after they stomped into the hallway and pulled out the wire for the phone line.

"That wasn't a wise idea, to get us involved."

Quatre backed up slowly, laughing nervously.

"RUN Q-MAN!" Duo screamed, still on the floor as the other three pilots advanced upon their friend.

**xoxo**

Well, it's not as good as the first chapter I have to say, but that's what happened. I still think it's a very poor attempt compared to the first chapter. I hope to maybe do the next one soon.

Disclaimer- I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.

By the way, this means Quatre failed the second test you know. And if anyone missed what it was in the first chapter that Quatre had to make Dorothy, it was a princess, girly crown made from construction paper, markers and glitter everywhere. She gave him instructions and he did it right.

8-24-05


	3. A Quiz?

**xoxo**

**Title-Mission Improbable**

**A Quiz?**

**By-Moon Prynces**

**xoxo**

Quatre lived the next two days in constant fear, especially everytime the phone rang or doorbell was heard. The other gundam pilots noticed his odd behavior... but they had their own things to worry about. Like who used all the hot water in the shower... or who was to control the remote when watching TV. These situations far outweighed Quatre's crisis.

Anyway, Quatre was currently sitting in the living room, staring off in space.

"Hey Q-man!" Duo greeted, walking into the room.

Quatre almost jumped to the ceiling. "Is that you Duo?" He said, feeling around like a blind person.

Duo stared at him. "What's up with you?"

The blonde snapped out of his moment of stupidity. "Nothing!"

**xoxo**

"Finally." A blonde sighed loudly, quietly moving to the hallway while her guest and friend was in the shower.

Relena picked up the phone and dialed a number, waiting for someone to pick up and hoping Dorothy wouldn't find her here.

"Hello?"

**xoxo**

"Relena?" Came Heero's surprised voice.

A moment of silence passed.

"Hello?" He tried again.

**xoxo**

A loud sound and then nothing. Relena stared at the phone, which was now back on its cradle, in horror.

"Uh oh..." She muttered. She hadn't actually meant to hang up the phone, even if it was Heero. But it was kind of startling that he had answered and not Quatre, like she had been expecting. That, and she hadn't talked to him since she fought with him at the last political gathering they had both attended, and she ended up 'aciddentally' spilling wine on him before making a quick getaway. Obviously that encounter was still on her mind.

Sighing, Relena resolved that she had to call back. She was wasting time and Dorothy would probably be downstairs soon.

**xoxo**

Heero raised an eyebrow as everyone heard the phone ringing. Trowa looked pointedly at him, seeing as he was closest to the door leading to the phone.

"I'm not answering it." Heero answered slowly.

"Why not?" Trowa questioned. The phone was still ringing in the background.

Heero didn't answer, only looked around the kitchen, uninterestedly. Fortunately, Quatre had finally mustered the courage and got up from his place in the living room and answered the phone.

"Hello?" He answered lamely.

**xoxo**

Relena sighed in relief, at least it wasn't Heero. "Hi Quatre, how are you doing?"

**xoxo**

Quatre also sighed in relief, glad it wasn't Dorothy who was going to give him another test. He had the feeling that the next one would be more humiliating.

"Relena, it's so nice to hear from you. Everything's fine over here." He replied politely.

**xoxo**

Not for long, she thought smirking. "Well, I'm sorry about this..."

"About what?" Was Quatre's confused reply.

"I'm not calling for a pleasant conversation..."

**xoxo**

A few minutes later, Quatre hung up the phone with a horrified expression.

**xoxo**

"Who were you talking to?" A voice behind Relena made her jump out of her skin.

She whipped around to see Dorothy standing there, looking at her suspiciously. "Wha- Nothing!" The quick, sharp answer only made her more suspicious.

"What was that phone call about?" She asked again.

Then, through luck, Relena regained her composure. "It's a surprise!" She sang, skipping off to the kitchen.

"What?" Dorothy blinked, still staring at where her friend had been. Then she whirled around to follow her to the kitchen. "A surprise? What is it?"

**xoxo**

Wufei was coming down the stairs (after using all the hot water in the shower, though nobody would figure it out, or so he thought...) to find Quatre sulking by the wall in the hallway. In fact, the blonde was standing there, his nose an inch from the wall, staring at it in a brooding type of way.

The dark-haired boy just raised an eyebrow in question. "What are you doing?" He asked cautiously.

The blonde slowly turned to give his friend a deadpan expression. The other jumped back in surprise at the uncharacteristic emotion from the blonde.

"I need to find a costume store."

**xoxo**

The five gundam pilots were now crammed in a car Quatre was using to drive to the nearest town.

"Where are we going again?" Duo asked in a whiny voice from the backseat of the car. He was sitting in the middle between Trowa and Heero, who were looking out their respective windows. Wufei had beat them to getting the front passenger seat.

"To find a costume store." Wufei said, snickering, as he had cut off Quatre from coming up with another response.

"Why are we all going then?" Heero asked in his less than chipper tone... actually, of course it wasn't chipper! It was monotone!

"To suffer with me." The Winner heir muttered under his breath. But it was obvious that everyone in the car heard him clearly, as shown by the wide eyes they now sported. And we all thought seeing that expression on the faces of Trowa Barton and Heero Yuy was a one time thing...

Finally, after twenty minutes spent in the stuffy car, it came to a stop. Three doors opened simultaneously before Quatre put the vehicle in park and literally threw themselves out. And Heero and Trowa, forgetting about Duo who had been in the middle, both slammed their doors shut (thus injuring Duo) right after getting out.

Quatre also jumped out (Duo had learned to use the door himself) and looked around. "I don't see any place like that around here." He said examining the shops nearby.

"Why are we looking for a costume store again?" Duo asked, looking at Quatre and then Wufei, who seemed to be the fountain of knowledge all of a sudden.

"To make you look like an intelligent human being." Wufei muttered sarcastically after receiving the look.

Duo huffed while Heero and Trowa snickered. Quatre was still stressing over the simple fact that...

"WHY DON'T THEY HAVE A DAMNED COSTUME PLACE IN THIS STUPID TOWN?" The blonde was now yelling randomly, cursing inbetween and pulling at his hair in a very frustrated way.

The other four noticed that people were starting to stare. They all looked to each other and nodded heads.

**xoxo**

Half an hour later, followed by some shots of alcohol everyone was relatively calm. At first the only thing they could do to stop Quatre from scaring innocent pedestrians was to tie him up and throw him in the back of the car. If you were wondering, they didn't use rope... Duo ran into the nearest store and bought a bunch of long scarves. After that Heero and Duo split up to go look for a costume store while Trowa and Wufei waited in the car with Quatre in the back seat.

And then, instead of sticking to the task, Duo came back with a bottle of alcohol and some plastic cups. So four gundam pilots were now sitting in the parked vehicle, drunk. Heero was still out searching and hadn't returned to join in the fun...

"Dude, what's with your hair anyway?" Duo asked in a wobbly voice.

Trowa, who he had been talking to, was already asleep in the driver's seat. Wufei, next to him, was looking through all the compartments in the car. Then he finally pulled down the overhead mirror and open it to see his face looking back at him.

"Fine! Be like that!" Duo huffed, trying to remember why he was supposed to be mad without realizing the other pilot was already snoozing.

"Ya know what?" Quatre asked, then tried to drink some more from his cup (which was empty, though he didn't notice it).

Everyone ignored him. Trowa snorted in his sleep. Wufei had found a flashlight and turned around to point it in the face of Duo, who was being whiny about it and threatening he'd tell Hilde about this.

**xoxo**

An hour later Heero reported back to the where the car was parked... or at least where it should have been parked.

He blinked and looked around. Where was that damned car? It should have been right in that spot he was standing.

**xoxo**

"He he he... do you think he'll notice?" Came an unusually high-pitched voice. Surprise surprise, it was only Trowa!

"I don't know... who are we talking about again?" Duo asked after a moment.

Wufei rolled his eyes and suddenly jerked his head to stare out the windshield. "Isn't that a cow?"

"Where?" Quatre and Duo both leapt to look out a window in the back of the moving car and collided heads. Then Duo remembered he had his own window and moved to the other end.

**xoxo**

The next day Heero came downstairs from his morning shower and heard a bunch of groans coming from the living room. He walked to the doorway and raised an eyebrow.

Wufei and Trowa were each lying on their own sofa. Trowa was still asleep. Wufei was massaging his head with two fingers. Duo was peacefully sleeping on the coffee table. And Quatre was lying about a foot from the doorway on the floor. From the look of it, he had just thrown himself down, too tired to find a proper resting spot. He was groaning and muttering something about hating alcohol and how he was going to _try _and swear it off. Obviously because he was the one to drink the most of it, in the other's attempt to stop him from panicking about his problem which was...

"Mission completed." Heero stated, and then moved in the direction of the kitchen.

**xoxo**

Another day went by, in which the four pilots involved, chose to never bring up the painful experience and to never have all of them drinking at the same time, cuz really, they needed someone who wasn't going to start hallucinating about cows.

So finally, Quatre, with the help of Trowa, had cornered the recently elusive Heero Yuy so they could extract very important, vital information from him.

"You have something to tell me." Quatre stated in a low voice.

Heero just stared at him, not even blinking.

"Don't try to resist." Trowa added after a moment.

Silence.

"Where is it Heero? I know you know. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way." Quatre threatened carefully.

Silence.

"TELL ME DAMNIT!" The blonde finally snapped and started shouting.

Heero gave his stare a few more seconds before turning left and walking right out of the living room.

"It wore him down, I can tell." Quatre said, staring after the japanese boy.

"We'll get him next time." Trowa replied.

**xoxo**

Elsewhere Dorothy was stalking around the house she was a guest in. Relena had said she was going to the grocery and Dorothy declined to join her. Instead she was pondering on the so-called surprise Relena had given no clues about. It'd been three days since she said that and neither of them brought it up again. She was really starting to wonder who that phone call was to.

And then it hit her. She suddenly bolted for the hallway and picked up the phone.

Relena had made no other calls since that day she caught her up to something. So that meant...

The redial button! It was so simple. And yet such a godsend.

She hit the button and tried to patiently wait to see who would pick up.

**xoxo**

"Hello?" Came a gruff, monotone voice. Hm... now who was? Trowa? No, it was Heero!

**xoxo**

Dorothy stared at the wall for a moment, not saying anything. Heero?

**xoxo**

Heero paused, knowing that someone was there, even though no one was answering.

"Relena?"

**xoxo**

Dorothy jumped, forgetting that she still held the phone to her ear. Why would he think it was Relena? Was this his private number or something? Did he have caller ID and knew Relena's number? Had Relena actually been having a conversation with Heero Yuy? Or at least trying. Maybe that's why she got so freaked out when Dorothy stalked up behind her that day.

Things were starting to fall into place, as a smirk appeared on her lips. Well, at least some kind of conclusion was made to Dorothy, though not actually the right one.

Then, just to be mean, she slammed the phone down in time to see the front door burst open as Relena walked through the doorway.

**xoxo**

"What are you doing?" Wufei asked, stopping next to Heero who was holding the phone and staring at it.

Heero looked up at him, back down at the phone, and then just put it back on its cradle. He turned to walk and was about to head upstairs. Except that there was an ambush planned.

"We've got him!" Duo yelled triumphantly.

"I'm sorry we had to resort to such methods." Trowa stated solemnly.

"JUST TELL US WHERE THE DAMN-" Quatre was cut off.

**xoxo**

An hour later the five boys were inside a very scary store indeed. After supposedly extracting the valuable information from Heero... actually he said that he was going to tell them when they stopped behaving like lunatics. Anyway, after finding out the location, Quatre once again made them all accompany him to the store to purchase the ridiculous request.

While Quatre was desperately looking around the small store, Duo and the others were loitering around and pretending they didn't belong there. Except then Duo found this really funny costume and couldn't help but grab it and disappear into a fitting room.

And seven minutes later someone tapped Heero on the shoulder. And expecting it to be some customer thinking Heero was an employee, Heero turned around with a glare only to jump back away from the person in surprise.

"What the hell is that?" Wufei asked, not moving from where he was standing. After hearing Heero make a shocked sound he had looked up from twidling his thumbs.

Trowa had been staring out the window and also looked over to the bizarre sight.

"Luke! I am your father!" The person shouted from behind his mask and black clothing.

Heero growled at the person and made a move that clearly said he would attack soon. Wufei just folded his arms and watched. Trowa, being the only one who had any knowledge in the entertainment area, started cackling at the display of stupidity.

"Hey, don't do anything you'll regret, buddy!" Duo said nervously and jerked off the helmet to show he wasn't some psycho killer or maniacal thief.

Instead, Heero dropped to the floor and slid around with a foot out and stood back up as Duo fell over on the floor.

"Ow... what was that for?"

"Finally! Let's go!" Came the ecstatic voice of Quatre, who had just walked up to his friends with a package in his arms. Then he looked confused. "What happened you guys?" He asked as Duo let out a groan holding his head.

They all ignored the question and Trowa quickly sent out another question, one that they had all been pondering on since the day this search started. "What's in there?" He motioned to whatever it was Quatre was holding.

"Ehehe... it's getting late! We should buy something to eat for dinner and then head back!" The blonde said quickly and rushed out of the store.

The others blinked at him. Duo groaned some more.

...

And then when Wufei, Trowa and Heero were about to leave without waiting for the other pilot. Duo pushed over a rack of princess costumes so that the other three fell over on the floor in a pile of bright and sparkly, pink and purple dresses with wands sticking in places they didn't belong.

**xoxo**

Once the five pilots were back at Quatre's house, they settled for pestering him about his package. None had a chance to check it while they drove back home because the blonde heir had threatened them all in a very serious manner and said that none would be able to ever experience the joy of intercourse (and in Duo's case, never again).

"Well, I gotta go run an errand!" Quatre suddenly said and jumped up from his seat at the table as they had been eating.

"But you haven't even finished your fries!" Duo argued.

"You can have them, Duo-"

"OKAY!"

The other three gave the blonde suspicious looks (well, Heero and Trowa tried to, but Trowa's hair was in the way and Heero wasn't too fond of showing emotion).

And soon Quatre was making his way to his car with the package in his hands. What he didn't realize was that four heads were crowding around the windows trying to get a look at him and trying to figure out what he was doing. So... they took another one of Quatre's cars and followed him...

**xoxo**

"Why'd he stop?" Wufei asked, mostly to himself.

"We don't know!" Trowa said in an exasperated voice.

"Why hasn't he come out yet? He's been in that car for at least twenty minutes. Maybe something happened..." Duo said unsurely.

"Hn." Was Heero's response.

"Where are we anyway?" Trowa asked, looking around outside the windows.

Everyone shrugged. And then suddenly the car they had been tailing started up again and drove off in the same direction it had been headed.

It was too dark to tell exactly where they were headed but obviously Quatre had some place in mind as he parked and turned off the car. The others tried to stay a good distance away and parked the car behind a bunch of trees and bushes. Since this wasn't exactly a neighborhood (well, actually it was another rural area like where Quatre's house was) they couldn't get too close.

"We're in the middle of nowhere. Maybe Q-man's finally lost it." Duo stated as they watched the car door open.

Heero narrowed his eyes and made out the shape of something through the darkness. "There's a house nearby."

"He's going to see someone?"

Without realizing it, all four of the pilots slowly and quietly got out of their car to watch as the dark figure of Quatre made his way to the house. It was so dark, and there was only one light on inside the house but it seemed to be at the back end.

**xoxo**

Dorothy jumped up in surprise as the sound of bells reached her ears. 'Who in the world would be coming over to visit at...' She looked at the clock on the wall and sweatdropped. 'It's only 10:30? ...wonder why I'm so tired...' She thought getting up and moving down the stairs.

Then she paused in thought. "Why am I the one answering the door? Where's Relena? That girl..." She muttered.

"AAAAAAHHH!" A scream soon followed as she opened the door and saw the figure of a huge, goldish colored dog, standing on two legs, staring at her.

Then, not knowing what else to do, she grabbed the only thing nearby, which happened to be an umbrella and began bashing the thing in front of her, not even looking up once.

"AH! OW! STOP THAT!" The person, obviously Quatre, shouted a billion times trying to block the attacks and backing away.

**xoxo**

"Oh crap! Someone's attacking Quatre! We should-"

Duo was abruptly cut off and pulled by the back of the collar on his shirt.

"Hey! What was that for?" Duo said, massaging his neck with one eye peeking open at Trowa.

Heero was the one to answer. "We can't go help him. We risk being caught. Not only by his attacker, but by Quatre himself, who will probably make good on his threat." He stated, making them all shudder and Duo had a fearful look upon his face.

They all stood there for a few moments watching the struggle from a good distance away.

"So what about now?"

**xoxo**

It was too hot. He couldn't breathe. And now he had a headache that would keep all the bruises on his body company for the next week.

So instead of trying to get up from the ground, he lay there in a heap while someone was poking at him with something.

**xoxo**

Relena jumped up at the sound of someone screaming. Of course it took a while for her to find the source. First she had to get out of the wonderful bath she had been taking and then put on clothes. And the things that were closest happened to be the sleepwear she set out on the bed. After hastily pulling everything on, she decided to grab a weapon in case... and the only thing she could think of grabbing was the blow dryer on her dresser.

Relena tried to make her way downstairs quietly but quickly. She didn't want to arrive too late to find her friend's body unmoving.

So when she found that no one was there, she blinked in confusion.

**xoxo**

Dorothy suddenly stopped pounding the umbrella and swiveled around just as the last of light was cut off.

"No!" She cried out.

A moan from the thing sprawled on the floor brought the blonde's attention back from almost running up to the door and breaking it down. Of course when she turned to look for the thing she'd defeated she couldn't see a thing through the darkness since it _was _late at night.

So she tried to creep over to where the victim lay while complaining. "This is all your fault... whatever the hell you are. Now I'm locked out-" And she was abruptly cut off when she tripped over something that moved.

"OW!"

"AHH!"

**xoxo**

Narrowed blue eyes turned sharply towards the front door. Relena stalked her way towards the door holding the 'weapon' steadily. Previously she had been searching around the living room and hallway for any sign of an intruder. But the door had been closed when she came down and no one was in sight.

But now there seemed to be suspect. So she took in a deep breath, held her hands high and pulled open the door.

**xoxo**

"Ah..." Dorothy silently gasped and shielded her face as a bright light suddenly opened up right in front of her face, still lying on the floor. "What are you doing with a blowdryer?" She asked in a confused voice.

"Dorothy! What are you-" Relena cut herself off. "Quatre?" She squeaked out, and then seeing the position they were in, made a sly face.

**xoxo**

"I don't get it! What the hell's going on?" Wufei grumbled.

Duo stared. "Are you guys sure-"

"YES!" All three opposing forces yelled at him.

A moment later.

"Who turned out the lights?" Duo asked.

"Someone closed the door!" Wufei hissed.

"Now we can't see anything." Heero mumbled to himself.

Although this was true, they heard quite loudly as Dorothy launched into a speech of whose fault this was. They also heard when she was cut off and the sounds of a struggle but no one moved, since they didn't know where exactly to head to.

Then, a few minutes later someone swung open the front door and the outline of a slender figure was made as a female stood there in her tight tank top and a pair of shorts that had obviously shrunk in the wash.

"Relena." Heero stated in his usual monotone voice.

**xoxo**

"Oh, you guys, I thought you'd at least have the sense the get into a room before doing _that_." Relena said with a smirk.

Dorothy gaped. Then looked over to the person next to her, their limbs still entangled. "Quatre?"

**xoxo**

"You gotta admit, Heero-buddy, she does look great in that top, and the shorts are nice. Hey, how come you're not saying anything-" Duo promptly shut his mouth and jumped behind Trowa who only shook his head at the glare Heero was sending all three of them.

"Well, it's not like he can stop us from looking." Wufei said carelessly.

And that's when someone lunged for someone else and a brawl started.

**xoxo**

"Wait- What are you-" Relena cut herself off and stared as she finally realized what Quatre was wearing. Then she scurried over and dropped to the floor. "Oh no! Dorothy! What'd you do to him?" She yelled at her friend who was still in shock, and unmoving. Then she turned to look at Quatre who looked too tired to get up from lying on the ground. "Oh my god! Are you okay? Quatre!"

The said blonde looked over to the two girls out of the corner of his eyes, not even attempting to move. He didn't even bother to smile, which screamed that something was horribly wrong with this situation.

Relena moaned in frustration and made a face. "Quatre, you were supposed to serenade her! Not scare her to death!"

At this Dorothy quirked an eyebrow. "What was that?"

"Uh..."

**xoxo**

Because this fight involved four gundam pilots it was inevitable that it would turn ugly quite soon. And now since the four were only about three yards away (thanks to their rolling around on the ground trying to strangle and stop each other) it caught the attention of the other three persons sitting (or lying) on the ground near the house.

Well, we can all only guess how this turned out...

**xoxo**

Disclaimer-I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.

Er... sorry about this chapter. I thought it was doing pretty okay in the beginning but towards the end it started to sink. I don't think it was that great this time. And I have to say, for once I'm not writing this just because people are reading it. I've barely gotten any reviews and from checking the stats on this story. This doesn't really bother me though. I'm writing this story because I want to!

Anyway, I'm gonna put up the rating just a bit, in case I curse too much in this fic or something. Sorry.

Hey, if you're reeeeeally bored, go to my xanga! It's the homepage on my profile page! Do it! You know you want to see my picture!

Ciao! I must start writing the next chapter to 'Are you stalking me?' tomorrow!

9-20-05

11:13pm


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